my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize