just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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