The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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