In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
