WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
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i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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