Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
