Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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