Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
