happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
