If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
