sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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