And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
