Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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