I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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