so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
