there's paper in my vomit.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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