thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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