I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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