She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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