Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
