Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Mom said you looked used
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
