hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
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I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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