none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
