Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
