Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
