Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
