Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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