apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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