i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
