he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize