I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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