im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
