Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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