He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
