there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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