I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
