I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
