she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
