this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
