I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
