Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dick very happy bro
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
