Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
