I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
