I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
