just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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