My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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