i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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