I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
