So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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