I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
