the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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