i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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