Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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